Why I chose the sunroof option

Quite a few people were shocked when I chose to opt for a C-section for the birth of our second son Theo. To some a C-section is an easy way out, a way of avoiding contractions, being "too posh to push" and a convenient way of giving birth. I want to prove otherwise.

When I was pregnant with our first son Zakary, I didn't really give 'giving birth' a second thought if I'm honest. Lets be fair, its got to come out somehow and to me the obvious way was naturally. I knew a fair few people who had given birth and they were alright, to me I would be too. I didn't want an epidural and I was going to go as natural as possible. I booked myself in with the local birthing centre and decided on a water birth. 6 days before my due date I went into labour (on April Fools would you believe it!) I laboured fairly well, it was painful yes, but bearable and after around 20 hours of contractions my waters went and I started pushing. This is where it all went downhill; I pushed for 2.5 hours!!!! To cut (excuse the pun) a long story short I ended up with an extended episiotomy and a tear, 3rd degree to be exact - OUCH! I was transferred to the nearest main hospital where I was administered a spinal and I was stitched up in theatre by a lovely lady doctor. I was discharged the next day with a bag full of antibiotics, laxatives and pain killers; my introduction to motherhood was oh so glamorous!!

Three years later we had decided it was time to add another addition to the clan, I fell pregnant fairly quickly and I was automatically assigned to a consultant due to my previous tear. Up until this point id really not thought much about my previous birth experience, I honestly did not think it had had a lasting effect on me. I WAS WRONG (not something I admit lightly). I found myself sat in front of a middle aged lady consultant sobbing my heart out when she stated very matter of a fact'ly, "there's no reason you can't have a natural birth again, you have no ongoing issues, we'll see you again when you're in labour". She showed no signs of concern for me and sent me on my way fairly quickly.

It was then I decided I couldn't do it again, I was scared, no, I was terrified of tearing again.

She couldn't guarantee me that another natural birth would be straightforward or more importantly it wouldn't have more lasting damage to my already once repaired pelvic floor. I went back to my midwife and said I wanted to change hospitals, and I wanted a new consultant. Luckily for me I didn't have to fight to hard at all, my new consultant and hospital were very understanding of how I felt, they gave me all the information and statistics on both C-sections and the chances of having another serious tear. I opted for the C-section.

My C-section was scheduled for 39+2 and went very well, we were blessed with another big boy 8lbs 7oz with a large head (it was then I was told I had actually made a wise decision in going for c-section) and I was discharged 2 days later. Yes it was painful, laughing was horrendous and I swear I almost killed my cat when she jumped on my wound at 4 days post partum! Jeezzus fecking christ that hurt. I couldn't push my pram, I couldn't pick my 4 year old to cuddle him, I could barely sit up if I was led it bed - it hurt, ALOT. If I'm honest it hurt more than I thought it would, but keeping on top of my meds it was ok. Having said this, I could sit down comfortably, I could go to the loo without fearing my insides would fall out (anyone who's had a baby knows what I mean) AND most importantly to me, I felt relieved that I had potentially saved myself from future continence issues which had been my main concern when opting for a section.





So the next time you hear someone make a comment on a woman opting for a C-section think carefully about why they're doing it. I can almost guarantee you it won't be because its the easy way out. Most probably its because she either a) had a section the first time or b) she had a horrific delivery the first time and quite frankly she doesn't fancy spending the rest of her life using tenna ladys....

I know what I'd prefer.

Part-time Worker, Full-time Mother

What do you do for a living?

• Oh do you work part-time? Lucky you, best of both worlds!
• You work part-time? Isn't that confusing for the children?
• Oh gosh you've gone back full-time? How do you manage it? When do you see the children?
• You're a stay at home mother? lucky you!
• Oh you stay at home with the kids? Rather you than me!

Believe it or not i'm sure i've heard it all by now.

Many years ago a huge percentage of mothers finished work for the foreseeable future when having their first baby, many not returning to work until they were at primary school/secondary school or out of education altogether. Nowadays its seems far more common place for mothers to be returning to work on either a part-time or full-time basis.

After having both of the boys i have returned to work on a part-time basis. Firstly i'd like to point out that being a SAHM has never really been an option to me, I have to work in order to help support our lives. I was adamant after having Zak that I did not want to work fulltime, to put it bluntly what it would cost me in a fulltime nursery placement compared to my fulltime wage - well there wouldn't be much left! So I count myself very lucky to have both my mother and my mother-in-law available and willing to help look after the boys. They both have them a day a week each whilst i'm working in order that our childcare bill isn't too high. Theo attends nursery 1 day a week and that alone costs over £150(!) a month; Zakary is now in fulltime school. I can honestly say without their help returning to work may not have \been such viable option.

Returning to work has pros and cons, it allows me valuable 'adult' time away from the boys, it 'keeps my foot in the door', it gives grandparents the chance to spend quality time with their grandchildren, and most of all it pays the bills!!! I also think it helps to reinforce the work ethic my husband and I want for our boys. The cons are that over the years i've probably missed alot of the boys growing up, but its been necessary to provide them with the best upbringing we (my husband and I) possibly can.

Everyone seems to have their own opinions on working mothers; on one hand mothers are supposedly sacrifing their hard earn careers to stay at home with their children and on the other mothers are sacrificing time with their children to return to work. WE CANNOT WIN. It seems whatever we do as parents someone will have something to say about it. This week i overheard a few people discussing a colleagues handing in of notice after her maternity leave. Quite clearly they were shocked she wouldn't be returning to her hard earned career, and somehow they were surprised she wanted to stay at home with her baby instead. Who's business is it, apart from hers and her husbands anyway?

What i am desperately trying to explain is, regardless of our working siuation we are all mothers, fulltime mothers at that. We do not give up being a mother when we walk out of the daycare door and we don't bin our qualifications when we choose to stay at home with our children. We do what is best for our families. For me that means working 20 hours a week, for my neighbour it means staying at home with her youngest whilst her eldest goes to school, for my facebook friend it means working full-time whilst still managing to raise her beautiful boy.

We are all different, we can not all be labelled the same and we should all support eachother in whatever choice we have or choose to make.

It's OK because i'm trying my best

Before I had children and before I had even contemplated procreating with anyone, I distinctly remember saying I didn't want children. My reason; I'm too selfish!

Fast forward a few years I'd met Andy, we'd brought our first house, got engaged, planned a beautiful wedding, got married and been on a lovely sunny honeymoon. It was in the middle of my post wedding blues that I realised that the lovely thing all woman endure once a month was late.... Hhmm. Not even a day or so, no, more like over a week late. No biggy I thought, maybe its all the stress of the wedding but maybe I'll take a test just to be sure. Well I'm pretty sure the instant I pee'd on that little stick those two blue lines showed up. SHIT.... This was not in the plan. Yes we'd discussed children one day and in one drunken night on honeymoon we'd (for a very short time) thought it would be a good idea to 'try' but seriously, how did this happen? Turns out apparently we didn't have any problems in that department. I went into denial, shock, disbelief (call it what you will) - I was 23 and had been married only 5 weeks and there I am, PREGNANT.

It was from there my apprehension about being a mother really started. How was i possibly going to bring up this tiny little person growing inside? How would i ever get over having to put someone elses needs before my own? I'm a self expressed selfish person, this was not going to come naturally to me. Top of my anxiety's was giving up my figure to have this little person, stretch marks were my vision of evil. I'm pretty sure throughout the whole of those 9 months i worried about something everyday, was the baby going to be healthy, would i be a good mum, would it come naturally, how would my relationshop cope with this sudden unplanned change, would i ever wear a size 10 ever again?!

I'm not going to lie when our beautiful little boy was finally born at 39+2 weeks on the 2nd April 2011 the only thing i felt was relief. After a difficult birth i didn't have that sudden rush of love everyone describes and quite honestly in those first few days after he was born i cried alot, i was in pain from giving birth and this tiny little person someone had entrusted me to look after just cried, slept, wanted to be fed and have his nappy changed. It wasn't how it looked in the books or in the tv programmes. My life had changed forever and for a very small amount of time I wanted to give him to someone else and go back to my old 'prebaby' life. Yet somewhere down the line things changed, i didn't even realise when they did but suddenly he was my be all and everything. I would move mountains for this little guy, he was mine and i loved every single ounce of his being. His smile and the way he would look at me changed my perspective on life. I was his mummy and i was his everything. He needed me.

Motherhood has been a learning curve for me; it has not come naturally. I've given up alot, especially socially, but i wouldn't change a thing. Zakary has brought out a part of me which i didn't even know existed, he's proved to me that i'm capable of far more than i ever imagined and there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Some days when he and his brother are really trying me, i still wonder what the hell i am doing being allowed to actually parent and raise two small children. Yes i loose my rag, i shout and want to cry; but, it's OK, because every single moment of everyday i am trying my best to be the very best mother I can be to them. It's ok because, to Zak and Theo I am the best mummy in the entire world, and they love me, faults and all.

I'm not perfect, far far from it, but to them i am.

Me & Theo July 2015 by KP Photography Trowbridge 

 

Me and Zakary February 2013

 

 

Taming the Wild Ones

"Ahhh isn't he cute; ever so cheeky looking."

Now, if I had a pound for every time I've heard this in the past few months I'd have enough for that new car I so desperately want (and need after our garage bill today)!

My wonderful, darling children (God love 'em) have this amazing ability to fool the entire world into thinking they're sweet and innocent at least 75% of the time. However, today terrible no2 decided he would go for the "hell hath no fury like a scorned 14month old" act. Screaming, crying, rolling around on the floor of the local Sainsbury's cafe. I tried it all, kept myself composed, reasoned with him - yeh right - calmed him, pacified him, came down to his level. You know all the stuff it says in the mummy handbook; but, he was having none of it. Absolutely NONE of it. So what did I do? I heaved him off the floor, sat him on my lap and let him eat MY carrot cake instead of his lunch, all whilst the people around me peered over their lattes and cream cakes, tutting & shaking their heads. Should I have apologised? Or should I have left? Maybe I should have gagged him?.... Probably, but I didn't mainly as I'm pretty sure that would land in in social services territory!

(Just to prove his banshee moment in years to come)

 

One of the things that has amazed me since having my boys, is the general public's and (especially) the older generation's ability to make me feel like I'm doing an absolutely shite job of bring up my terrors. I'm quite sure back in 1950 something when they were raising their own wonderful children they never had such a situation as I found myself in today. BULLSHIT. 

Children are children and they cannot be tamed. Especially 14month old headstrong little monkeys, like Theo, who did not want a cheese sandwich for lunch! Lesson 1 in the Brake family parenting handbook,

Do what you have to to survive

P.S Thank you to the lovely lovely lady who came over after the storm had passed and said "we've all been there, your doing a good job" you literally have no idea how much I needed to hear that.